Inebriated
by Everywhere Yet Nowhere
Summary: .:One shot, Yuffentine:. Yuffie and, amazingly enough, Vincent get a little more than tipsy. Peanut throwing, discussion of Vincent's boobs and maybe even some realisation of true feelings are all part of the fun journey to being slaughtered by Tifa.


**Inebriated**

**A/N: Keeping with the Yuffentine one-shots (I find it impossible to write stories with more than one chapter D:) I proudly present a new one. Yes, I know the drunk thing is overdone, but I just thought of it when I was soaking in the bath and it had to be written!**

XxXxXxX

Something momentous had happened.

Vincent Valentine was sitting with his legs crossed behind the 7th Heaven bar, cloak undone and entire face visible- the normal ivory pallor gone slightly red at the cheeks. Bottles were strewn in a circle around him like offerings to a God and he was laughing. Laughing harder than he could ever remember laughing. And for the life of him, he couldn't remember why. It hardly seemed to matter anymore. The jovial feeling was so warm and blissful that for a moment he'd forgotten everything that always weighed him down so much. He'd even forgotten that something was funny in the first place, kind of cryptic given the fact that he was still laughing. By now, he was just laughing at himself laughing. Laughing because he'd forgotten what was so funny. Laughing because for the first time in many many many years-

Vincent Valentine was drunk.

He wasn't alone behind the bar or in his state of intoxication. Beside him sat a little cutey, eyes closed, cheeks puffed out, fingers curled into interesting shapes, resting on her bare knees. She was doing her impression of Buddha. Adorable and completely and utterly undignified. She snorted suddenly, and reached down to take her ten thousandth swig of schapps... or beer... or sake... or wine... or a cocktail. Or whatever it was. It didn't matter. It was booze anyway.

_(Two hours earlier)_

_Vincent walked into 7__th__ Heaven. It was dark, but still warm. All the stools were up and the floor had been swept to dust-free perfection. Just after closing time he guessed._

_It was rather amusing, he thought, eyes sweeping over the shining table tops. Tifa was now concerned with fighting dust and dirt a lot more than monsters and sociopaths. That and chasing after the enigmatic Cloud wherever he went. Kind of like a mother, making sure he took a coat; but also like the woman in love that she was, wanting to know that her strong, silent and damn stubborn lover was safe._

_Vincent's boots made rather a lot of noise on the wooden floorboards, so his presence would surely be noticed if anyone was around. He was looking for Tifa. Well- no. He was looking for Cloud, but the ex-SOLDIER was very hard to find at the best of times. Tifa was the best one to help him find the blonde for if anyone knew where Cloud was, it was she. So here he was, however here Tifa wasn't._

_Turned on his heel to go back to the dark one-roomed apartment he came from, he nearly jumped out of his skin in shock when a happy voice exclaimed very loudly from behind him:_

_"VINCE!"_

_Here Yuffie was._

_He knew before he even turned around. He knew that voice. He knew that she was the only one with enough gall to call him Vince. Honestly, it sounded like a name for some surfer dude hanging out at Costa Del Sol. Not just Vince either: Vinnie, Fuzzy Wuzzy, Vin, Centie, Valentino and a million other ridiculous nicknames had spilled out of her mouth in the years he'd known her. _

_How could he have missed Yuffie though? She was quite plainly THERE, standing behind the bar, grinning from ear to ear and waving a wet rag at him, quite pleased that she'd managed to surprise him._

_Yuffie took one look "Did I scare ya? Sorry! I broke a glass and I was just behind the bar cleaning it up y'know?"_

_"I see." Vincent smirked ever-so-slightly in amusement, though, as always, any movement towards expression was hidden by his heavy red cloak._

_"Thought I'd hide the evidence before Tifa came home and killed me," the young ninja continued. "What are you doing here anyway?" She was glad to see him. It had been too long since his tall, stoic figure had graced any doorways she was near and she'd missed him pretending to ignore her (even though he totally never ignored her) and giving her those frustrated looks and sighs._

"_Looking for Tifa. Is she absent?"_

_"Yep. Totally AWOL. Though I should probably say CWOL."_

"_CWOL?"_

_"The 'C' stands for Cloud."_

_Even Vincent could appreciate the __humour of that little quip. He came a little bit closer and sat down, resting his elbows on the bar._

_"I'll wait for her return. If I may, I'll return your question: what are you doing here?"_

_"Fine with me! But she might be awhile!" Secretly, Yuffie hoped Tifa would take all the time in the world. She had no problem with entertaining Vincent Valentine for the night. "I took over the bar tonight, when I was just coming in to show off all my new materia. I really didn't want to, but Tifa twisted my arm. Literally!" Sticking out a skinny forearm, Vincent observed some rather nasty looking bruises._

_"She must have been really determined to leave," Vincent commented lazily._

_"After Cloud, as usual. She just doesn't know when to give up on that spiky-haired moron."_

_Vincent looked up and did a quick survey of Yuffie's eyes when she said this. Her 'crush' on him had become apparent to him recently when he'd been told of doodles all over one of the ninja's notebooks saying "YUFFIE VALENTINE... VINCENT KISARAGI"._

_As scary as it originally was; he definitely preferred the former._

_Now the thought was just amusing, but as she made the passing remark, he was certain he'd be able to see a trace of it in those innocent eyes. But there was nothing more than a rather quizzical look, as if she was asking Vincent what he was doing by staring at her like that._

_"So how about a drink!" Yuffie eventually suggested. "My shou- no, actually, Tifa's shout! Whatever you want."_

_"I don't drink."_

_"Sure you do! I've seen you drink wine plenty of times!"_

"_Oh very well, a red wine."_

_Rolling her eyes, Yuffie replied under her breath. "Gods, could you get anymore boring..." Then, while hunting high and low for the bottle opener, and choosing what looked like the most expensive vintage in stock, Yuffie got an idea. There was a metaphorical lightbulb hanging over her head and she smiled, and spun to face Vincent. Hands on the bar, she pulled her face close to his and whispered excitedly._

_"I've just had the most naughty idea."_

_It took a few seconds for that comment to sink though Vincent's layers of clothing and angst, and then a few more seconds for him to phrase a reply and let it break the uncomfortable silence._

_"Oh... kay..." Not a very notable reply, but nevertheless..._

_"What do you say to getting back at Tifa?"_

_Not the same kind of naughty he was thinking of. Well good. Really good? Yes. Good. He shouldn't have been thinking it anyway. And he didn't even want to think about why he associated the young brunette with those kind of naughty things. Dimly realising that the silence had stretched on for almost a minute and Yuffie was waiting for an answer with big puppy dog eager eyes._

_"Tifa has done me no personal wrong," he said. "Revenge seems a little uncalled for."_

_"Pshaw! If she's done wrong to the White Flower of Wutai, she's done wrong to you and the rest of the Planet that shares the pleasure of my presence! I say we drink as much of her expensive stock as we can!"_

_This idea took a moment to sink into Vincent also. It seemed- not a good one. And one that would make Tifa very very angry._

_"I believe I just told you I don't drink."_

_"And I believe I just gave you a great plan for the night! Clearly you're not doing anything. If you were busy, you would've been right out that door as soon as I said Tifa wasn't here! Please Vincent. Pleeeeease?" Yuffie gave her biggest, toothiest, cutest grin. The one that she knew could melt rock if she wanted it to. Vincent wasn't really like rock. More like coal. Which was related to diamond. Which was the hardest substance in the world... so harder than rock... and harder to melt even with her mega-powerful cutesy grin attack._

_She had a few fair points did Yuffie. And she was grinning as though she had an incredible toothache. But Vincent still wouldn't budge. Much._

_"I'll supervise you as you follow through with your plan. It's not worth wasting the breath asking you to stop."_

_Clapping her hands, Yuffie tossed down her wet rag and took of the bartender's apron. "Right then! I quit! Drink number one... coooooooming right up! Stealing unguarded booze has to be easier than materia, right?"_

_(And so...)_

"So if I had.. like... 20 drinks of 21 alcohol... it means... like... I'm made of booze now!"

Somewhere along the way, Vincent's role had stopped being that of supervision. It probably had something to do with the fact that the wine he'd consented to being served had been mixed with a shot of vodka each time. Not too noticeable, especially with Yuffie always insisting that it was just a really really unique vintage. After a while, his objections against drinking diminished and pretty soon he began instigating which bottle they would open next. They more than kept up with each other, eventually opening the bags of bar snacks as well. Yuffie tried to play a game where Vincent would catch peanuts that she threw in his mouth, but it failed as she forgot to inform him that they were playing. All that resulted was her pelting Vincent with peanuts, and another fit of the giggles from her, as he picked out the peanuts that had gone down his shirt in distaste.

Coming out of her Buddha impression and waiting until Vincent calmed down out of his laughter, Yuffie lay down on the floor, curling up and resting her head on her arms. Vincent looked down at her with eyes she decided weren't like crimson... but like cherries. She loved cherries and she loved Vincent's eyes! It all made sense.

"Why aren't you like this more often?" she said tiredly, slurring her words slightly and definitely not feeling the most well she'd felt in her life. Still, the warmth and the company was worth the very very nasty taste in her mouth.

Finally unhooking his cloak because he was so hot, and removing his glove and claw he looked down at Yuffie on the floor. "Why aren't..." Vincent hiccuped. "I like _what_ more often?

"Well... um..." She hesitated with her answer, not sure if she wanted to use it and then forgetting what it was completely. _Damn.. damn.. oh yeah! _"Why aren't you like.. happy like this more often?"

The slight smile that was on Vincent's lips died immediately. So it took alcohol for him to outwardly seem happy to anyone? That wasn't good. He ran one of his hands over his face distractedly, happy that his palm was cold while his face felt like it was severely on fire.

"I don't know... I do not smile or laugh unless there is truly a reason to... and usually, I cannot find one." Vincent looked down, hunting for his glass, not caring what it was full of and taking a sip.

"You know what?" Yuffie said suddenly, a lot of conviction breaking through into her slurred words. "Lucrecia did this to you. She, like, betrayed you! I followed you into her cave once. And it took all the self-control I possess to keep from punting that crystal-chick for doing that to you. You deserve so much better than that! All frozenly pretty with silly flowers. Feh." Well, she'd certainly just failed at not sounding jealous, but still she continued. "And how long ago was it? But you're still in love. I'd like to think we're buddies, even if you don't-" The ninja quickly stifled a burp, trying not to lose face. "So I can tell you all of this! It's cute and all and it's nice to finally see a guy so devoted to a girl. But come on! She's dead! She had Hojo's baby who I might remind you tried to like, destroy the Planet! Man though... it was all so long ago. Lucrecia was so long ago. Get _over _it!"

It was impressive really, ranting like that when she was horizontal and drunk. Even managing to hold a train of thought for that long was impressive in this state. She meant every word though. She'd known she wanted to say them for a long time. She was only regretting it a little in the silence that followed and the look on Vincent's face. It was horrible. Like he was a corpse or something, expression frozen like that. She knew she shouldn't know all that- Vincent had only told her a bare minimum of his past. The rest she'd found out on her own, and defended the somewhat stalkerish methods she'd gained information by saying she 'needs it for his health'.

And still, she rationalised, that was true. Vincent badly needed to wake up again, get up on the right side of coffin and smell the coffee that had been ready for a long time now! Yet she couldn't help feeling guilty for saying all that, so Yuffie closed her eyes and rested, trying to ignore the twisting in her stomach caused by guilt and alcohol abuse... ohh... she didn't feel well... her stomach made noises it was not supposed to make and she tried to block out the world until...

"...I just.. can't get past it," Vincent told her quietly, knowing she was still awake. With a sigh, he drew one knee up and stretched the other leg out- a typical sitting gesture for him, waiting for a reply. Another rant. Anything.

Not used to these sort of emotional confessions, especially not from Vincent, Yuffie opened her eyes and scanned her brain for a solution. It took her a second, but then she sat up, hair adorably mussed up and grinned. "All you need is a distraction!"

"A distraction?" Vincent repeated, wondering what kind of 'distraction' Yuffie had in mind.

"Yeah!" she affirmed, enthusiastic about her own brainwave and carrying it on to the nth degree. "Like... boobs!"

"..." Vincent could think of absolutely nothing to say to that. Absolutely nothing. If you'd asked him, he never would have thought that any of tonight would ever ever happen. And if you'd asked him whether he would've ever had a conversation with Yuffie Kisaragi about boobs, you'd probably get a dirge to the face.

The silence was very uncomfortable for one, very puzzling for the other.

"You do... actually like boobs right? I mean, I'm okay if you've swapped sides since Lucrecia y'know um..." she trailed off and there was a whole heap more silence, a raised eyebrow and even more silence. "But everyone likes boobs. I like boobs! And I'm as straight as the buster sword!" It seemed to be Yuffie's solution to any silence. Fill it with as much talking as possible and then hope to God that no one notices you've said something really weird.

Unable to help it now though, Vincent cast his eyes to Yuffie's chest. He was after all, a man. With hot blood (and alcohol) running through his veins, and some very carnal creatures residing in his soul who liked to give all to desire and instinct when they got the chance. Yuffie's offerings were modest- nothing like Tifa's. But nice. Still... small. She hadn't noticed him staring while she was picking a piece of peanut out of her teeth and blushing furiously for starting the whole boob conversation.

"You have small breasts." He had no idea what made him say it. But he did say it. Flatly. Truthfully. It almost definitely had something to do with the alcohol. He was a helluva lot more affected than he would like to admit and he knew it. Things seemed to be happening and spilling out of his mouth that he no control over.

"They're bigger than yours!" Yuffie pointed at Vincent's chest like she was accusing it of witchcraft. She didn't look offended, she was in fact very proud of her body. She was fit and she knew it and it didn't matter if she was... petite... she got plenty of attention when she wanted it. Perhaps not from the person she really wanted it from! But no matter.

Vincent looked down the collar of his shirt and back over to Yuffie. "... You're right." And then he smiled the smiled she'd dubbed "sexiest thing I've ever seen, squee" smile. Tonight was the first time she'd ever seen him smile. Probably because if he ever did it was covered by his cloak collar, but she got the feeling he didn't often anyway. This made a very... very sexy change.

Then the vampiric gunman began unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt, he was finding it so much better with the now cooler air of the bar able to reach his inflamed skin. It felt very good. He kept going until his shirt was all the way undone. Much better.

Yuffie stared.

"But wait-" Vincent finally realised. "I don't have breasts." He looked up at her staring and cocked his head, looking rather cute himself. "I don't have breasts... so what are you checking out?"

Shaking a little, Yuffie was seeing something that she knew existed, but had never seen for herself. Scars patterning their way over Vincent's torso. White scars shining silver in the low light, even though Vincent's skin was already ivory, the scars stood out. Especially one in the middle of his chest. An X, huge it was, red in places and ugly.

Yuffie's voice came out much quieter than she expected, but the moment seemed so painful to her.

"The scars. Did they hurt?"

After a moment, Vincent realised what was wrong and nodded just slightly. Yes. Yes they hurt.

At this signal, Yuffie crawled forward, a curious expression dancing across her face. But so innocent that he didn't stop her reaching out slowly to push the shirt off his shoulders and stroke the X in the middle of his chest and the bullet scar below his ribs... taking it all in with such a child-like quality, even when he could now see her for the beauty she was. He was so much older than her, and so he could appreciate so much more that she was special and lucky to be so carefree, naive, innocent... untainted.

"Do they still hurt?" she asked in that same excited voice that didn't suit the voice that was just made for giggling and screeching. Not looking up, she was fixated on the marks of the past.

"Of course not." He found his own deep voice soft and his breath catching at the touch of his fingers. Such a simple touch, and yet so... sensual.

Looking up again, Yuffie moved even closer to him. "I don't mean owie hurt... I mean, like, thinking about them. About chaos and the others... Hojo and Lucrecia. Your past." Sometimes, Yuffie could be very mature and empathetic. Surprising... wonderfully surprising. He wondered briefly why it had taken Gods know how much booze for him to actually realise that Yuffie was wonderful. She truly was.

"I meant to ask Yuffie... how do you know so much about my past?"

At any time Yuffie might have lied, but he didn't sound angry, and she just pressed closer, one finger still on his chest and so close to embracing him. "I care."

He was touched. She cared? Why she would care about him, he didn't know, and right now- he didn't care. The point is, she said that. "Sometimes..." he took a breath, finding himself shaking slightly. "Sometimes the memories hurt, yes. What about you... do you have any scars?"

Yuffie giggled. "One. But it's so not exciting."

"Show me."

It was impossible not to sway as she attempted to manoeuvre herself back to her original seating position and all she ended up doing was falling back onto her butt. Yuffie rolled down her long sock then- and Vincent, unable to help himself again ran his eyes over smooth and toned thighs which were- he had to admit- very pleasing to the eye. And there it was, a medium-sized, crescent-shaped white scar on her knee.

"I was um... God... my head's so foggy I can barely remember. I was um... some childhood age anyway and I was hiding from my father, and then I fell off the roof." She pulled a face. "Crutches for a month! It was torture... I wasn't allowed to run or play or do anything but study."

Vincent laughed. He found himself wanting to know about this girl where it seemed she knew him so well. Of course, there were some things about the evening he could blame on the alcohol, but this feeling... this wonderful feeling and the epiphanies he'd had about what a blessing in ninja's clothing Miss Kisaragi was- he didn't want to forget them in the morning. Well, it was morning... but in the later morning.

And now. Now he so badly wanted to kiss her as she coloured lightly and started giggling again that he thought he might burst. It was a nothing to lose, everything to gain moment. He caught her purple-grey eyes with a gaze that could only be described as _intense_. She stopped giggling immediately and swallowed as he moved forward. He was trying desperately to stay the smooth one and not sway or slip even though the world spun around him. He put both his ungloved hands on her warm cheeks, running his fingers down, over his neck, to her shoulders.

And without further ado- he kissed her.

Even when he'd taken her face in his hands, she hadn't thought he would actually kiss her. She never thought it would actually happen. Sure, she'd thought about it plenty of times and usually it was a lot more romantic than the floor of a bar and in her fantasies it definitely tasted a lot better- but there was nothing to complain about how perfectly their lips met, and how hers opened to accept the tiniest bit of passionate tongue from him. She felt warmer than ever, like little tiny bubbles had filled her up inside and were rising to her head and her heart. It was perfection. A dream come true.

And Vincent felt finally that little bit of happiness he'd been waiting for. That little bit of happiness was a ninja by the name of Yuffie Kisaragi. It was simply a shame with all the time they'd had together he'd taken this long, and this much toxins to realise the truth. Maybe this was just another thing he should blame on the alcohol.

Then again... maybe not.

XxXxXxX

Tifa felt bad about leaving Yuffie with the bar, but no one else was home and she just had to go find Cloud. The idiot was off looking for some gangster he shouldn't be looking for in the pouring rain. She'd found him finally and now he was up in her bed where he should be, warm and asleep.

It was about nine o'clock in the morning when Tifa re-entered 7th Heaven. Hmm. Something wasn't right! The door was unlocked and Yuffie had left the lights on and the window slightly open. And there were still dirty glasses on the bar! Oh, she'd have a few choice words for that chagrin-filled little ninja when she got her hands on her.

Though- life was good. So she gave a little sigh, and made her way behind the bar to clean up the mess.

And nearly fainted in shock.

On the floor was a shirtless Vincent being used as a pillow (and apparently a drool-catcher) by none other than the person she'd entrusted her precious bar to last night. And they were literally sleeping on a bed of empty bottles.

Oh she would KILL Yuffie Kisaragi and after she was finished with her, she would rip Vincent Valentine apart limb from limb! But first, she would let them suffer through what would presumably be the worst hangover anyone had ever had- if the amount of alcohol they'd had was anything to go by.

Damn it all though, even a spitting mad Tifa was glad Yuffie had finally snagged her man. Drunkenly or not, they made a very cute couple.

XxXxXxX

**A/N: Ahh, the things we owe to nights of spectacular drunkenness, hmm? I hope everyone enjoyed and gives me a review for my efforts... even though Vincent was horribly ooc (I blame the alcohol).**

**So yeah... review:D**


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